theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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