sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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