I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize