I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
