i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize