What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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