Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize