Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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