i wish my penis had a tongue
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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