Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
