OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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