Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
