omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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