The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
