WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize