I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
