never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
