you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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