a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
