Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
