just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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