last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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