well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
