too bad you live with your parents still
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
