I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
