The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
