last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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