Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
