I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do herpes really smell.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
