I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This house was built for laser tag.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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