He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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