On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
