why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
