i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
