I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
