Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
