I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you didnt know i had herpes?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
