babies were throwing up all over the place
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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