Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
