I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
