am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
