I met the friendliest cop last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
