Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
