I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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