The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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