Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Watching her eat just hurts me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize