ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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