i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
