I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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