Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what day is it and did you see me today?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
