YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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