He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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