You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
