it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
