some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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