Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
