Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
