what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
