went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
