Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
