a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she told me i tasted like america
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
