If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
