i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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