OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
