I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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