I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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