I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
