I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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