HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
