Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
