So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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